i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
