That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
