I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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