theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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