i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
