Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
