if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
