we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
