My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
