I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
