i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
