pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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