I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
