Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
