I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
