Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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