last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
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just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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