There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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