I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
