how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
