i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
