My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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