My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
