i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
