do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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