I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
