First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
