She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
