Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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