after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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