I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
