Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
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I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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