You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
