you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
