he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
