im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
