No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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