in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
