if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
