I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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