so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
