Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
