That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm too high and old for this...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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