this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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