where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
