If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
