Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
