New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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