if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
