dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
