dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
