I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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