its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
