I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
