five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
