tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
