The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
