She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
