So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
