When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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