He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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