i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
