Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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