neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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