I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
