As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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