I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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