he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
