I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
