I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Man, jail baloney is awful.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
