dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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