He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
