im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
